My 6am wake up call came in the form of the littles playing in the toy room this morning. Since they weren’t fighting I decided that I would lounge in bed a bit longer, see if I could avoid having to actually wake up. So I grabbed my ipad and started scrolling. I responded to emails and messages, and finally logged into Facebook to check on how life was going for all our friends. As I scrolled through I noticed a number of our friends had spent the evening at a party. A party I thought we might have been invited to, but obviously weren’t. Not the first time and I’m sure not the last, but it still stings a bit.
I spent most of my childhood being left out, or included only because it was necessary. I was picked on and bullied. And maybe that’s why it hurts.
This past summer MiniMan was home with me. LittleMiss spent 3 days a week at a preschool program, but MiniMan and I got to hang out just us for those 3 days. We had a few playdates, but for the most part it was just us. Texts went unanswered from ‘friends’ invitations that were extended were greeted with silence. So MiniMan and I made the best of it, and enjoyed our time just us.
But I saw the parties and playdates and events, that we were never invited to, or our invitation was ‘forgotten’. And it broke my heart.
This is the life of most high needs moms. Our littles aren’t invited to things. Other parents are scared of how our children will react or act at an event. So rather than have to deal with the unknown, our littles aren’t included. At least my little doesn’t know about facebook, or that the party even happened. So he can go on blissfully ignorant. I however am dealing with the sting and hurt. Not just for me but for him too. Knowing that he’s going to be left out or bullied for being different, breaks me. I don’t ever want my child to go through that. And to be honest, the hurt of being excluded once again, still lingers from my childhood.
I know one day i’ll have to explain to MiniMan why he wasn’t invited somewhere, or why everyone else got to go somewhere and he didn’t. And I’m dreading that day. Because I know the hurt that his heart will feel, and I would do anything for him to not feel that.
For now we’ll spend our time making our own memories. And maybe one day an invitation will come. But I’m not holding my breath.